An AHA! moment...

I had an epiphany this morning. I'm aware that the phrase "an Aha! moment" is Oprah-related and generally refers to more in-depth realizations about yourself and personal growth... Actually, as I was about debase my own epiphany by saying it wasn't quite as significant as that, I realized... NO. It IS significant. For me. Alright, so here it is...

I want to direct music videos.

Okay yeah, sounds silly at first after that intro. Here's the deal. I'm a writer. That's always what I've wanted to do with my life. All this time... ever since I was 17 and started really getting into screenwriting... I've been inspired by music. Literally. I hear a song and get a flash of a scene in my mind. It doesn't happen with every song. Only certain songs. Whether it's the vibe or the lyrics or the emotion a song evokes in me... Whatever it is, my imagination is triggered and I SEE a scene. That is how A LOT of my writing has come about. I remember thinking, when I was younger, I really must have a "gift." That's how it felt. Like something bestowed on you without even reaching for it. All I wanted then was to create vivid and compelling scenes. It wasn't work and I wasn't second-guessing myself and at the time, un-jaded as I was, I thought it would be easy and had no concept of failure. And the gift CAME to me. Easily. Because I was completely open to it. Now... maybe not so much. Because I got off my writing track for a while there. I lost faith in my ability, I got scared and I shunned my gift. But I didn't forget. (I can't tell you how many people I worked with, how many of my bosses, would tell me what a good writer I was and that was based on business letters and actor bios and thank you notes!) And the flashes never went away. Now they're becoming more frequent again. Like a bolt out of the blue, the scene I see when I hear a song reveals something about a character in a script I'm working on that I hadn't thought of before. Or it adds flesh to an idea that I've been thinking about. And it's like BINGO! That's it! And I am a very detailed, very descriptive writer. When I see things in my head, I see them just so. That's why I have ALWAYS figured I will have soundtrack consultation or approval worked into every deal when I sell a script. Which is not typical. The writer usually doesn't have control of much once they've signed over their baby. The soundtrack, if anything, falls under the jurisdiction of the director's vision and the work of a music supervisor. But I am determined because if I ever see on screen a scene I've written set to an entirely different song than what I imagined... Well, that would just ruin everything.

So the question you're thinking is: Why not aim to direct the things I write? My answer has always been: I don't want to. Mainly because a) I can't possibly conceive of all the elements that go into making a film and leading an entire crew and b) I know what a fucking headache it is to be a director. I didn't go to film school. I don't know all the technicalities or how to set up a shot. I'm good with still photographs, sure. Directing live action is something I've never desired to touch even with a 10-foot-pole.

BUT I have vision. And this morning, it suddenly became clear.

I was hiking in Runyan Canyon, as I normally do few mornings a week before work. It's my thinking time. And I couldn't do it without my iPod. Today as I passed this particular spot I've walked by so many times, with it's vista of L.A. framed by each side of the canyon... I had a flash of a scene. Then on my way back up, passing it again, while a certain song played on my iPod... the scene came together with a story set to this song. And that's when my Aha! moment happened....

I have a photographic eye. A sense of aesthetic style. Songs inspire my mind to produce stories, quite naturally. Wouldn't it be great to direct music videos some day?

I got that excited, tingly butterflies feeling in my stomach and thought... Okay, I'm really feelin' that idea. Why not start now?

SO. That'll be my next project. A spec music video. I have no idea how or when or how or where or how or who or fucking HOW to do it... But I WANT TO. And I WILL.