Decidedly Simple #347

I'll be the first to say that I can be... difficult. Okay, my mother probably would be the first. I think of my personal quirks and expectations of the world around me as endearing. Call me a diva, call me hard to please, call me fickle... I say YES. All are a badge of honor that proclaim my high standards. But there are some things about me that are Decidedly Simple.

Witness: Exhibit #347

Bianca Responds to Positive Reinforcement

In my last job I had a boss that was super demanding. She was the matriarch of this company I worked for and therefore very successful and very, very good at her job. And I respected her. But let's just say, my nickname for her came to be Cunty Cunterson. While I know she thought highly of me and was only as hard on me as she was because she felt that I could not only meet but exceed her expectations... she was just a B.I.T.C.H. I worked my ass off for this woman and nailed it 98% of the time... But very rarely was acknowledged when I did good. No, she only ever harped on the 2% of the time I fucked up. Because she expected 100%. Sure, I get that. Nonetheless... only being recognized for things you're not getting right can be disheartening. I found myself dropping from 98% kickass to 95% and so on. Because it's all a mind fuck. And when she smelled blood, she went for it. Thus, a bad day would turn into a bad week and into a bad month. That bitch wore me DOWN. And I use "bitch" as a term of endearment here, because at the end of the day, when I basically decided I didn't want to BE her in 40 years and I quit... she helped me and I do love her.

At the opposite end of that spectrum... is the motivation that is sparked in me when someone compliments me or tells me I've done good. It's a little thing called Validation. While I'm locked in my little den of self-doubt wondering if I'm smart enough, good enough... One kind comment and BOOM the door blasts open. It can come from my mother or my manager or a friend or a stranger... I'm not picky... And it puts a big smile on my face because it has been confirmed that all my toil hasn't been for naught. And THAT inspires me to keep fighting the good fight.

Pretty simple, eh?